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Internal and external self-esteem
Rob Kelly on where your sense of your own worth comes from — and why that source matters more than the level.
Self-esteem is simply how you feel about yourself: your own sense of how worthy and likeable you are. What matters is not only whether it is high or low, but where it comes from.
Internal self-esteem
Internal self-esteem rests on your own appraisal of your thoughts, actions and beliefs. You take a realistic view of what you are worth and what you are capable of, you credit the effort you put in, and you speak to yourself kindly. All of it comes from inside, which is what makes it steady.
External self-esteem
External self-esteem rests on results and on other people: the exam, the match, how the day at work went, what somebody said. When your view of yourself is built almost entirely on things outside you, it moves whenever they move.
That is the rollercoaster. There are days when you feel tremendous, and there are a great many days when you feel very low indeed — and none of it is in your hands.
Your self-esteem is only two weeks old
Your self-esteem is not a fact about you. It is your current opinion of yourself, and opinions can be changed.
Changing a belief does not take long once you want to. You might turn a decision over for days, but the moment you actually make up your mind takes about a second. Your self-esteem is one part of your psychological foundations, and improving it is one of the most useful things you can do.
Bella Ramsey had this too.
And came out the other side.
“It’s not controlling my life anymore.”
The BAFTA-winning actor — The Worst Witch, Game of Thrones, The Last of Us — was housebound at one point as a teenager, and took travel sickness tablets and antacids to get through a working day on set. They had tried self-help books, CBT and hypnotherapy. None of it worked.
Bella went through this programme, and describes no longer thinking about sickness, no longer being frightened of it, and no longer letting it decide what they can and can’t do. They talk about all of it, openly, in their own words.
Listen to the episode →
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