Why do Emetophobes often struggle to recognise their own achievements?

Why is this?

Partners, friends and family often notice the huge improvements an emetophobe makes, but the emetophobe themself struggles to see this. This is mainly due to the perfectionist mentality, typical of emetophobes, where small successes are diminished and perceived ‘failings’ are focused on at the expense of any achievements.

👉 The ‘Should’ Mentality: Emetophobes frequently hold themselves to an unrealistic standard. They may feel that they 'should' be able to do things that they currently find challenging. This self-imposed pressure often leads to a sense of contempt towards oneself, making it difficult to appreciate incremental steps forward. If you’re scared to eat in new places, going to a cafe with your friends would be a HUGE achievement.

But an emetophobe will tend to minimise this achievement, comparing themselves to others and thinking ‘well I should be able to go to a cafe anyway’. Gaining perspective and challenging this hyper-critical thinking is essential to overcoming your phobia - you can’t beat this phobia without learning self-compassion.

👉 Downplaying Achievements: Often, achievements that signify progress seem too small to mention. For example, if you feel anxiety when leaving the house, walking to the end of the street would be a huge deal. This tendency to downplay successes can stem from a desire for massive breakthroughs rather than acknowledging the smaller, yet equally important, victories.

If I jumped off the highest diving board the first time I went swimming, I’d probably lose my cool and never want to go swimming again! But if I gradually built myself up to jump off lower boards, by the time I made it the highest it would be easy. Overcoming emetophobia requires a delicate balance of taking safe, slow, and predictable steps. Each step forward, no matter how slight, contributes to the overall progress, and recognising them is key.

How to tackle this mentality

👉 Be Your Own Best Friend: If emetophobes treated themselves with the same kindness and encouragement they would offer to a friend or child, they would likely see their achievements in a different light. Instead of focusing on what hasn't been accomplished, celebrate what has been achieved - big or small. Record each small step (on a big piece of paper stuck to your wall, or your phone), to start recognising your progress.

👉 Trust in the Process: Accept that progress is rarely linear. There will be ups and downs, detours, and moments of pause. Keep moving forward, each day, with small incremental steps. It’s ok to have a bad day, or a day where you don’t achieve what you’d set out of - recognising that you’re human and being compassionate to yourself on those days is still a step forward!