How to increase your confidence:
Amazing post from our awesome coach Fiona Brown on confidence many emetophobes can relate to. Can you recognise yourself in these ‘confidence-killers’? If you can, start making small changes and youโll quickly start to see a difference ๐
Hereโs how most people think about their lack of confidence:โฃ
* ๐โ๐ฅ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ง๐ช๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต ๐ช๐ง ๐ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฏโ๐ต ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ช๐ต๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ง๐ข๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณโ๐ด ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ค๐ช๐ด๐ช๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ด๐ดโฆโฃ
* ๐๐ง ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ญ๐บ ๐ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฅ๐ฏโ๐ต ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ด๐ถ๐ค๐ฉ ๐ข ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ถ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ต๐ช๐ค ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ข๐ญ๐ช๐ต๐บ, ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ง๐ช๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ตโฆโฃ
* ๐๐ง ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฅ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ท๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐โ๐ฅ ๐ง๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ญ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ง๐ช๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ค๐ถ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ข๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ด๐ฉ๐ช๐ฑ๐ดโฆโฃ
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Fortunately, theyโre wrong.โฃ
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Of course, everything from genetics to childhood experience has some influence on how confident you feel (or donโt). But by far the biggest influence on confidence is the one everyone seems to missโฆโฃ
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Itโs your habits in the present, not the events of your past, that determine your confidence.โฃ
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In my work, Iโve found that there are a handful of confidence-killing habits people fall into without knowing it. And itโs these habits that are the real causes of chronically low confidence.โฃ
๐ญ. ๐ฌ๐ผ๐โ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ฐ๐๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐๐๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฐ๐ฒโฃ
Reassurance-seeking is essentially outsourcing YOUR emotions onto other people. And it kills your confidence; you are saying I canโt cope and I canโt handle this.โฃ
You get an email from your boss saying they want a chat, and you immediately call your partner to ask why. They then calm you down by helping you get some perspective.โฃ
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Avoiding painful feelings always makes them worse in the end.โฃ
When you immediately run away from your emotional difficulties and hand them off to someone else, youโre teaching your brain that youโre afraid of feeling bad and canโt handle it on your own.โฃ
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๐ฎ. ๐ฌ๐ผ๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ป๐ฑ-๐ด๐๐ฒ๐๐ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฒ๐น๐ณ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ป๐๐๐ฎ๐ป๐๐น๐โฃ
Each time you second-guess yourself, itโs a tiny message to your brain that you donโt believe in yourself. So if you only do it occasionally, no big deal. But if youโre in the habit of constantly second-guessing yourself, think about what youโre teaching your brain?โฃ
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Itโs also important to accept that you will never eliminate uncertainty entirely. This means there will always be a chance you make the wrong decision and bad things happen.โฃ
The heart of second-guessing is the unwillingness to accept the fundamental uncertainty of life.โฃ
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Chronic second-guessing is a form of perfectionism where you feel like no matter how hard you work, the result is never good enough because itโs not perfect โ because you donโt know for sure that itโs the right decision.โฃ
If you want to feel more confident, you need to make your peace with uncertainty and accept the responsibility of making decisions and living with the consequences.โฃ
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๐ฏ. ๐ฌ๐ผ๐ ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐๐ฎ๐๐๐ฟ๐ผ๐ฝ๐ต๐ถ๐๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐ ๐ณ๐๐๐๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฑ๐ฎ๐ป๐ด๐ฒ๐ฟโฃ
Catastrophising is an extreme form of worry where you quickly start thinking about all the worst case scenariosโฆโฃ
“Oh my God, sheโs going to leave me, I know it.โฃ”
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If youโre in the habit of always catastrophising, not only will it chip away at your confidence in your ability to handle difficulties in the future โ itโs also going to make you incredibly anxious and stressed out all the time.โฃ
If youโre constantly telling yourself the world is ending, youโre going to constantly feel like the world is ending.โฃ
And itโs awfully hard to feel confident when youโre always worried that disaster is right around the corner.โฃ
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๐ฐ. ๐ฌ๐ผ๐ ๐ฑ๐๐ฒ๐น๐น ๐ผ๐ป ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐๐ ๐บ๐ถ๐๐๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐โฃ
Just like itโs hard to feel confident if youโre always predicting that disaster is about to strike, itโs similarly hard to feel confident if youโre constantly reminding yourself of your mistakes and failings.โฃ
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Healthy reflection is a good and normal thing. But if youโre habitually reminding yourself of past mistakes well past the point of new learning, itโs all side effect and no benefit. Youโre keeping your shame and insecurity high and your confidence and self-worth low.โฃ
Itโs hard to feel confident about the future when you wonโt let go of the past.โฃ
The trick is that you have to be willing to live with the fact that the past is unchangeable, which means you are truly helpless to change it.โฃ